As you all know by now, because I mention it ALL the time, my family is in a super stressful situation. It is constantly on my mind. I lose sleep over it, I cry over it, I make myself sick over the situation.
And then, I read this update from my cousin who is battling brain cancer.. and it put things into perspective.
Back to the questions... “If God loves us then why...” Being a parent has really put this in perspective for me. We are referred to as God’s children. Cailyn is my child. She is a part of me... she has her own will, but she has my DNA, my chin, my nose... she is mine. She bears the proud name of “Wulf”. I want her to be herself and enjoy the world, but I also want her to learn and grow and sometimes that means life isn’t easy. Countless times I have watched her “suffer” when told that she can’t have the chocolate or the juice. I have heard her cry herself to sleep because she got put down too late and was literally too tired to sleep. She cries when I tell her to put her shoes back on... sure, the pavement outside would hurt her feet, but she doesn’t know that. All she knows is that the shoes aren’t fun and therefore she doesn’t want to wear them. I see the whole picture; Cailyn only sees the moment.
As humans we are limited. We only see the moment. God sees the whole picture.
Why do I have cancer? I see two reasons - (1) this world is not perfect and (2) because God can be glorified through it. I pray God is glorified through it. Do I deserve cancer? Heck yeah I do!! I deserve much much worse!! We all do. Romans 3:23 - “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus.” If that doesn’t ring a bell with you - you think that you are not a sinner - then you have other issues, but if you believe these verses then the answers are easy. “Why do bad things happen?” - sin. “How do you keep the faith in the midst of such a horrible situation?” - redemption through surrender to Christ. It’s the simplest thing and the most difficult all at the same time. True surrender of the heart. Not a magic prayer, not going to church, not following all the rules, but just giving up and giving it to God.
I give up!! I can do nothing to cure myself of sin!! I can do nothing to cure myself of cancer!! (And actually the two are very similar when you think about it...) I am completely helpless!! But SO IS EVERYONE ELSE. Without Christ we are all dying... some faster than others. Me? I’m living. I wouldn’t go back in time and trade my cancer for a cancer-free existence... now, I’m completely fine with being healed of it!! but I wouldn’t go back and never have had experienced this, even if that means I will ultimately die from it. This experience has been the definition of the “refiners fire”. I see God through new eyes. I know beyond a doubt that I am loved by Him. I see His love so much more clearly... and isn’t it always that way?... you go through a horrible situation with someone, you cling to them, and the love just grows.
My MRI was on Tuesday and we got the results on Wednesday. No growth. Everything looks good. I am loved by God. I am so very blessed... if and when my tumor grows I will sing the same song.
“There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary, and love for the broken heart. There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and heeling. He’ll meet you wherever you are. Cry out to Jesus!! When you’re lonely and it feels like the whole world is falling on you, you just reach out, you just call out to Jesus!! Cry out to Jesus!!!”
Love you guys. Keep praying... He hears you.