Monday, May 25, 2009

Update on Christi

Thank you all for your prayers for Christi! Please keep them coming. Here is her latest update.

So, we thought Friday would be our first day off from the hospitals. I was starting to miss Cailyn so much it was crazy (yes, this is coming from the girl who cried "not-so-happy tears" when we found out we were pregnant!) I crawled out of bed that morning and started watching the Grey's Anatomy season finale (yes, I had been warned... no, the whole Izzy might die of brain cancer thing doesn't bother me. She's a fictional character, and, in some ways, it's good to "relate" to someone else and use that as a catalyst to get the emotions out... it's weird, but it works for me!) Anyway, so I'm sitting there watching on my computer and I get the first phone call. MD Anderson wanted me to go ahead and get my radiation mapping session done that day. No biggie. I'd already done it in Portland. They run some scans, make this mask thing (kinda like a fencing mask) so your head doesn't move and then the radiologists take those scans and decide where to aim the radiation.

I checked the clock - plenty of time to finish Grey's before waking Adam up and leaving... so I'm sitting there watching my show, BAWLING MY EYES OUT when "007" is scribbled in Meridith's hand (I always cry at sappy scenes in the shows I love... it's a little known secret of me... probably why I remain so even the rest of the time ;)) Then I was crying even more when Alex was watching Izzy and crying... there's just something about a tough guy crying because he loves the girl (and of course I'm thinking about Adam and how much he's gone through these past few months) and then don't EVEN get me started on the elevator scene. But it was so good to watch and $10 bucks says that one and/or both of them make it (yes, I am being vague in case someone is later than I am in watching this show - haha!!) But it was at THAT moment... right after the elevator scene that I got my second phone call. MD Anderson.

"Hello, Mrs. Wulf. Dr. Puduvalli would like to see you today and talk about Chemo."

Now I had just seen Dr. Puduvalli and he had just told me that they were not going to start Chemo until after Radiation... they only start Chemo WITH Radiation on grade 4 tumors... I also knew that MDA had recently received my pathology slides and were in the process of reassessing the original diagnosis of stage 3 cancer (they always do that just to be safe). Now, I may be silly, but I'm not dumb. I knew what Dr. Puduvalli needed to tell me and I knew why my Radiation mapping session was being expedited. I bounced over to Adam and woke him up... told him I needed to be a girl and then blamed half my tears on Grey's Anatomy (because, let's face it, it was sad!)

He didn't know what to think and wanted to wait on the doctors, but I knew. I was/am a level 4, worst case scenario, brain cancer patient.

We went to the appointments... everything was confirmed. It was a blessing to know in advance and at home. I got to have my little cry... not because I was/am scared (which would have been fine) but because this means the road will be harder... and I got to process things alone and with Adam. In Portland they gave me 3-5 years average case for my level 3 cancer... MDA gave me somewhere around 7-15 years. Now we're right back down to 3-5... really 2-5. NO BIGGIE!!! I've ALREADY been here mentally and I've already been told to reject the numbers and just focus on God's promise. PRAISE THE LORD that He is not a God of statistics!!

I will continue to keep my eyes focused on Heaven. NOT because I plan on going there ANY TIME SOON, but because God and God alone knows the number of my days!! I am DETERMINED to see my little girl graduate high school, get married, have kids of her own, and watch her mom slip into a blissful dementia where I think everything I eat is cheesecake (seriously, THAT's the way to go!!) I will fight this. I am researching and doing all kinds of extra things that might help, but the bottom line is that God is in control.

Why did this happen!? I have no idea, but I'm reminded of a Switchfoot song "The Shadow Proves the Sunshine." This makes it that much easier for God to show off ;).

This also opens up more doors for us. As a stage 3 I was not eligible for clinical trials (maybe they had them, but none were open) but as a stage 4, my doctors immediately got me into a trial... a trial where there was one last spot and that spot went to me!! What a blessing!! And more trials will be available tome later on as well... including a SUPER COOL one called Delta 24 which has been developed by my neurosurgeon. That trial wouldn't be available until we've tried numerous other things first, but it's exciting.

I know God's up to something bigger than me here. I'm EXCITED to see what He's going to do. YES the road will be hard, YES it's been (and will) be stressful, but what a peace we have through Christ Jesus... even if I'm not healed I'm going to heaven!! But I sit here today with my cancerous head and I firmly believe that God has other plans. I can't wait to get to my "Cancer Due Date" and praise the Lord for bringing me past it. He's already brought me past one brush with death on April 5th and I look forward to celebrating each milestone. Every day is a gift. Who knew our lives would change so dramatically on April 5th... again on April 23rd or 24th when I got the phone call saying it was cancer... now we can add May 22nd to that list as well, but in all honesty nothing has changed in our minds. It was still an impossible mountain to move at a grade 3... now it's just a bigger impossible mountain to move. Luckily our God is in the business of moving mountains!!


mckenziegordon said...

that kind of faith is so refreshing! What a blessing. I'm praying for your cousin and entire family. WOW!

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you! I am having my tumor removed on Monday, so I am quite anxious about my pathology results, but trying to remain +

Love Sarah (From Sydney Australia)