Keep Praying

The following is my cousin in law's most recent post about her brain cancer. Please please keep praying for her and her precious family!

That's right, cancer is a blessing. I've known about my cancer now for a little less than three months and the past three months have been the worst and best three months I have ever experienced. Just to give a quick overview, it's been the worst for obvious reasons; I've been away from my home and normal life, I've undergone 3 brain surgeries (not too bad for me, but my poor family having to wait 3-5 hours depending on the surgery), I missed so much of Cailyn's little world, and Adam's had to put his life on hold as well.

It's been the best three months for much less obvious but much more powerful reasons. Life has new meaning. I've always known that God is supposed to love me... I've even always known that God DOES love me - these past three months I have felt more loved by God than I can ever remember. I see Him everywhere in everything... and isn't God big enough for Him to actually be there!? Yes, I'm 100% convinced that He is... only my creator can know me SO well and speak to me so clearly exactly the words I need to hear. "I love you and I'm taking care of you". What an amazing feeling and experience!!!

I've also grown even closer to Adam and our families. In the face of tragedy you learn a lot about people. I couldn't have asked for a better support group!! Both families (mine and Adam's) were so supportive and amazing. Once again it's been confirmed that Adam is THE perfect guy for me. Before he was my best friend and the love of my life. Now, he's also quite literally my hero. Had he not been there on April 5, 2009 I would not be here today.

There are so many more blessings that have come out of this situation. Typed words on a computer screen just can't convey it. I desperately wish that everyone could see life through my eyes right now - how God desires a relationship with each of us and accepts us where we are at. I know that's a hard realization to come to for a lot of people, but if anyone anywhere ever reading this wanted to talk to me more about it please do!!

I have been asked by loving people if all this positive talk is just a front or if it is from the heart (a very valid question!!)... let me tell you, I don't know how to be anything but real. I know what it's like to carry a huge psychological burden. I actually went to a counselor when I was in high school to try and manage all my feelings about my sister's brain tumor, a friends suicide, and a myriad of other tragedies which took place very randomly all in the same year (things that would put anyone in counseling...). When we found out I had cancer, I was willing to go back to a counselor if it was needed due to the gravity of this situation. Then an amazing thing happened. I was given an overwhelming peace. I truly believe that I am going to be okay.

I wouldn't trade this situation for the world. Why? - I know who God is and though my faith in Jesus Christ I know exactly where I am going when I die (so even if I don't survive this I have no fears); and a close proximity to death puts life in a new, beautiful, perspective. Before I talk more about death... because, sorry, I'm going to... I really want to emphasize something - I do not think I am going to die any time soon. I have a huge peace about this and I am not the least bit worried about it... that said, I wanted to finally share my actual diagnosis.

Glioblastoma Multiforme - Grade 4 Brain Cancer

I hadn't officially shared name yet, but at this point there's just no reason not to. According to Wikkipedia, "The median survival time from the time of diagnosis without any treatment is 3 months. Increasing age (> 60 years of age) carries a worse prognostic risk. Death is usually due to cerebral edema or increased intracranial pressure. One in twenty of glioblastoma patients survive for more than three years, and approximately one in 5,000 glioblastoma patients survives for decades."

I think I also already shared that the median survival time for someone with my condition who is under the age of 50 is approximately 17.1 months. That puts my cancer "due date" as I call it somewhere around September 13, 2010 - my parent's 30th wedding anniversary. We're going to have a party... a BIG party on that day... and, ummm, not for my parents (sorry Mom and Dad) but because, by the grace of God, I will still be here and will have crossed yet another important milestone.

Over the past three months my family has lived with this knowledge and we are continuing to trust God and see what is to come. We are not afraid. Praise the Lord for that!! We are not afraid.

Thank you all for your prayers - we have felt them. While in Houston we had another tragedy befall our family. Adam's grandfather was put into hospice and passed away at the end of June. Adam was actually able to be there with both his mom and grandfather when he passed. We were all able to go to the funeral home in Houston for a little memorial before they had the real event in Louisiana. And, Adam was able to attend the funeral while I stayed in Houston for treatments. What a blessing that we were already there and able to join together as family in the face of sorrow.

As of now I am back at home in the beautiful city of Portland. We've been home since Saturday, July 11th and things are going really well. Adam is back at work and has seen amazing support from his bosses and co-workers (seriously, we love this company!!). I am home with Cailyn and have someone with me almost all hours of the day to ease my load and to ease everyone else's minds. I am confident that I could handle Cailyn on my own and will do just fine once the day comes, but until then I'm enjoying a little more time off and just being home with my little girl and hubby. I can honestly say that it's a good life!